Meh...

For some reason, lately, I don't particularly feel like posting about anything...worthwhile. I have something on my mind, but I'd so much rather just post pictures of anime characters and squeal about how cute/hot/beautiful they are. .~_~ Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe I just want to be fun again, for a little while.

But I'll force it. So here it is.


I have pretty much talked myself into moving back to Michigan. Even though I swore I'd never move back there when they passed that gay marriage ban...there's just...nothing else I can do. And the more I think about it the better it sounds. I can do more damage to society there, live for free, and help take care of my aging family, and...all kinds of things! I'm actually kind of excited about it now. I was getting kind of stagnant here anyway, so this is like a new life kind of thing, even though it's actually going back to an old life...but it's been six years, so it may as well be new again.

So it really all depends on if any of my credits transfer. I won't go if I have to start all over again. I'll live in a cardboard box out here if none of them transfer. I'm too old to start all over again.

So we'll see.


But..

I have this grand illusion of going back and wanting to show off all my new-ness to my family. All the new things I've acquired and everything I've learned. I have this fantasy where I show my Tenimyu stuff to my family and they're all "ooh, cool!" I want to dazzle everyone with what I've worked for all these years!

And then I remember...they won't give a crap. Because to anyone who doesn't know any better, I'm still just an anime nerd. Still. I guess it is kind of hard to show that I've actually evolved as a fan...if that makes any sense. And all this stuff I've acquired is still just "toys" to everyone, not "super special things that I got from Japan!"

It reminds me of how when I talk to my roommates, it's really just them talking at me and me nodding my head. Nobody really cares about my interests. Nobody wants to hear about "marginally attractive Japanese actors," even if that's what makes me really really happy.

So while I'll continue to pretend in my mind people will all of a sudden be interested in the things I like, when the time comes, I'll have to remember that that's all in my head, and that after all, the only one it's a big deal to is me. The only one who's ever going to care about the things that have the power to make me smile and laugh like a complete idiot, is me.


I'll have to learn to be satisfied with that. Shouldn't be hard, really, because that's the way it already is.


There, I was serious for a minute.

Next time, more fangirling. ::thumbs up::