Aaaaaack......

Had a meeting with my company yesterday. I had to give a demo lesson, which was fine, except I was totally nervous the whole time, and I think it showed. But what has me more unsettled is that afterward we were talking about getting our contracts renewed for another year, and even though our time for this year is almost up, they still don't know what cities they'll get contracts with, so don't know if there will be any place to send us. We were told there's no guarantee we'll have jobs in another two months, and they said repeatedly that if we wanted to start looking at other companies to work for, it's ok.

I do not like the sound of that. At all.

I understand they're just being honest, but it makes it sound an awful lot like I'm more likely than not going to be unemployed in a foreign country very soon.

They say to go ahead and start looking at other companies, but it took me a year after graduating to find someone who would hire me. I can't live here a year with no job. I'd have to live on the street without any way to pay rent.

I would actually be forced to go [the fuck] back home and start all [the fuck] over again. And it was too god-damned expensive to come here for me to be satisfied with that.


I'm scared.